Saturday, August 21, 2010

God I Need Your Help Today – the Lump in my Throat is too big

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Today’s Blog Post


God I Need Your Help Today – the Lump in my Throat is too big

The clear, earnest eyes of the young boy stared at me and watched my reaction to his question, “Do you know if my Daddy will die this month?”

What do you say to such honesty and openness?

“Daddy” has been in prison for a long time and away from his family. Circumstances will not let him go home – probably ever. He can see his kids from time to time, but with the approximately 5 Hour drive one way, it is very difficult.

“Daddy” has a brain tumour that is growing very slowly but it is growing. He is only one of 10 known cases of this tumour in Canada. He has lost his mobility now being able to stand only on one leg now. For that reason he is in the hospital and no longer able to live alone.

Last evening a friend of “Daddy” brought his three boys the 5 Hour drive across country. The friend was driving to Ottawa for the weekend and bought the kids along with him.

A group of us had “Daddy” out for a picnic that we do once a month.

“Daddy” didn’t know some of us had planned that… and he naturally wept when his boys climbed out of the truck they arrived in. With his one good arm he pulled the boys to himself and cried, “My boys, my boys, my boys...”

Yep I cried too… and had to move away before I blubbered in front of the others.

The scene was too much for Macho Man! Yikes!!

I took the boys to the side and talked to them about “Daddy” is doing. Mommy is too angry to talk with them about “Daddy” and never mentions him. She was hurt so deeply by what happened in the past that the present thoughts are not good ones. I have talked with her quite a few times and I certainly understand the pain.

Right now “Mom” has lost her job and it is very tight just living each day. She has no support from anyone. Their teenage son, who was along with his younger brothers, told me that part of the story very openly. He carries a weight much bigger than normal 17 year olds as he looks after two young brothers and listens to mom… and misses his “Daddy”… er… “Dad”.

There are times as I help people through life that I feel overwhelmed with the needs that I see. I wish that I could wave a magic wand and do SOMETHING to make things better.

I looked at the 10 year old and said honestly, “We don’t know when it will happen. But we know that tumour is growing slowly, that’s why his leg will not let him stand up anymore and his arm will not work either… so he has to sit in the wheel chair.”

The last time the boys saw him in June, “Daddy” was walking.

“Why can’t they take the tumour out of his head?” the bright young fellow asked.

His older teenaged brother spoke up as he held out his two hands. He placed his one hand on the other. “There is a kind of cancer that is like this,” placing one hand on top of the other, “They can cut it off… Dad’s cancer is like this,” placing his fingers interwoven, “they can’t cut it out or they would take away too much.”

The seventeen year old waited for his little brother to respond. That was very good but hard for a 10 year old to process.

The 10 year old asked more questions. His 12 year old brother walked over to where his suitcases were sitting on the ground… sat down with his back to all of us and put his head on his knees. He didn’t want anyone to see the big tear rolling down his cheek.

I cried too and put my hand on his shoulder.

Sometimes life is not fair. It is just not fair at all. These boys did NOTHING to deserve this NOTHING AT ALL… and I don’t have any answers for the bright eyes that looked so earnestly at me.

I looked up and their Daddy was taking our picture with his little camera. He smiled from ear to ear… still happy that we had brought his boys for the visit.

God I need your help today... I really do! The lump in my throat is too big!

~ Murray Lincoln ~
http://www.murraylincoln.com/

1 comment:

David said...

Heartbreaking to say the least. The fact that mother/wife is between a rock and hard place isn't just a statement about her personal situation but about the systems that we have devoted ourselves that are virtually useless. There are answers but not if we keep looking at hopeless situations and saying there are none.